Alexia Georghiou
2 min readJun 3, 2022

Growth in Grief & Change

It is normal to feel anger when we experience loss and change. At the root, are feelings of sadness and fear.

When we feel anger, this is progress. We have de-escalated from the initial shock and freeze of the blue zone to the red. Remember this?

The good news is, this is a journey and progress does not make perfection. We move from freeze to the red where we feel anger with impulses to fight or flight. I’m going to teach something here that is right between our eyes. We feel anger, however the emotionally intelligent express the underlying causes of anger. What leads to anger? Thanks for asking.

Whenever you feel anger, ask, ‘what fears are leading to this anger?’ and ‘What sadness could be leading to anger.’ When we feel a loss of control we either want to fight or flee. Different situations may elicit various responses that vary from situation. What may trigger me, may have not effect on you and vice versa. It’s key not to judge another person’s reaction, as we have no idea what their experience is.

What do we do when we experience the ANGER in SARAH? We express what could be causing us fear, loss of control and sadness. How do we do this? That is a whole course on emotions.

When you use a word, locate it on this chart to identify the intensity of that emotion.

Emotions have a severity index, as shown above. Use this chart to identify the intensity of your fear and sadness. What word did you use? Keep that journal handy and record your emotions daily. Is there a pattern of underlying emotions to Anger? Increasing self-awareness is key to emotional intelligence development.

There is growth in grief and change, there is hope! In this series, we will be exploring each part of this process. Take a few moments daily to honor your grief.